It has been a while since I’ve written anything besides random FB posts here and there that are probably too long for social media posts these days. I always want to come here and start and then I think fear takes over because I guess I’m scared of what emotions might come out when I start typing.

I’m a super emotional creature. Anything can make me cry these days. There was so much pain and loss that happened over the last 5 years that I think I just wasn’t able to to truly process it all at once. There was a long period of time where I don’t even think I could cry. After my ex-husband and I separated there was time where I felt like I was fine – but in reality I just wasn’t able to feel anything. Anti-depressants and alcohol probably helped make that seem like reality. But I’ve since removed both of those from my life completely and…..let’s just say….they were definitely “feeling blockers.” The floodgates opened up pretty quickly.

I want to preface all of this first by saying that I don’t think anti-depressants are bad or that nobody should take them. I just followed my own intuition for myself and knew that I wasn’t supposed to be taking them anymore. That is a personal decision and not a general opinion on the medicine. I also don’t judge anyone else for drinking alcohol. I quit because it was not a positive factor in my life that was making me healthier in any way. Again, personal decision for me.

My goal in life right now is to be present. Present in the moment I’m actually in. Not to be consumed by past events and thinking about how anything could have been different. Not beating myself up for mistakes that I can do nothing about now. Not thinking about the future and letting worries for tomorrow ruin the moment I’m currently in. Because all we really have is right now. This current moment. To look around and experience what is happening in the now.

And I’m going to start writing here. I’m going to publish and try to let the fear of judgement flow away from me because I know deep down that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of me. People will always come to their own conclusions about you. They see the world from their lens, just like we see it from ours. People can dislike me, think I’m annoying, wonder why I would share so much, and talk behind my back. Only I can decide if I’ll let that affect my life in any sort of way. So here we go.

I understand that it’s not 2008 anymore and blogs aren’t a super popular thing, but this is for me. And if someone stumbles upon it and something I write can help someone else in any sort of way – this is worth it to me. So if you stumbled here, just know that I am coming here from a place of love and vulnerability. What will this blog look like? A mish-mash. Personal stories. Motivational things I want to share that I’ve learned. Health and fitness ideas and inspiration. Stuff about being a mom. Sobreity talk. Sharing my struggles. Just being as real as I can in the present moment. Thanks for being here and reading.