I completed my 42nd year on Friday. That seems like a really long time, doesn’t it? It feels like I’ve lived about 20 lifetimes within those 42 years. So many different seasons of life. So many different people weaved throughout my story so far.

It would be really easy to look at my life and get sad about how different it looks now compared to what I thought it would look like. I never could have envisioned divorce in my personal story. I went through enough of that as a kid. But life is tricky. Humans are complicated. We hurt each other even when we really don’t want to.

But instead of focusing on the sad parts – I’m just trying to focus on what I’m grateful for. Because we don’t always have a choice in how things happen in our life, but we always have the choice in how we are going to respond.

I’m grateful for the family we created together. We have three beautiful daughters and we are committed to being our best for them. I’m grateful for the relationship I still have with my ex-husband. We show up for one another, respect each other and go out of our way to make sure the other person is ok. He was in Florida this weekend and he still made sure I had a wonderful birthday from afar, gifting me a weekend up north with the girls, sending gifts from the girls and giving them money to pay for my birthday dinner. All things that he absolutely does not have to do – but still wants to. And I love that even though we aren’t together, the girls see the love and respect still there.

I’m grateful for the people in my life that choose to show up for me. I struggle with self-worth sometimes and my brain likes to feed me lies when I’m down. I spent most of my life trying to prove my worth, thinking if I was helpful enough, and did enough for people- that they would truly love me and see my value. My brain struggles to trust people. To trust that people say what they mean. To trust that people actually care. I know the truth deep down……that our worth is not something that has to be “proven”. We are inherently worthy and our worth is not tied to any other person on this planet. So while I’m not a super social person and I really don’t have a lot of close friends that I hang out with, I’m so incredibly thankful for the handful of people that do show up and are there for me.

I’m thankful for my relationship with my daughters. I just want to be the best Mom I can possibly be. I’m always trying to learn and heal and be better for them. I hate how fast time goes and I just want to soak up all of these years while they are in my house. I’m hoping the work I do on myself reduces the amount of time they will need in therapy later. 🙂

I’m thankful for my puppy. He still prefers to poop on the living room rug over going outside, but the love and companionship he gives makes up for it. He slows me down and is a constant reminder of what unconditional love looks like.

I’m thankful for my job. I didn’t think I would ever go work for someone else again after being self-employed for so long. This job has been a giant blessing that I didn’t even know I needed. Being forced out of the house is good for my mental health. Being a part of a non-profit that is feeding hungry children, working with people with the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen, praying together every Monday morning, having the flexibility to be present for my kids still…..all just such a blessing.

I hold onto what I truly believe….whatever is meant for us, will find us. I don’t know anything about what my future holds. I don’t have a clue. But I’m just going to choose to find the beauty in all of it.

With so much love,

Krysta