I have done dry months before. I have done cleanses, the Whole 30 diet, 75 Hard (which was actually 63 Medium because I was going on vacation), but besides my pregnancies – this latest abstaining from alcohol has been the longest I’ve ever gone. As of today it has been 276 days with no alcohol.

I set out to do it because I felt called to and I’m one of those woo-woo people who really listens to my inner knowing. I felt the need to cut it out of my life for a period of time because it was not serving me in any capacity and it was making my life worse.

I was dealing with heartbreak, grief, and loss and alcohol only made me more anxious and more sad. I didn’t allow myself to truly work through my shit at all and I didn’t like feeling so broken all the time. I know who I am at my core, and my habits were not reflective of that person.

So I decided to stop drinking any alcohol. Last September I decided to go off my anti-depressant, not drink for 63 days and that’s when the true healing started. I was finally able to feel everything. All of my heartbreak came crashing in on me like the last 4 years was all happening at once. I was finally able to cry. A lot. After the 63 days, I drank a couple times between October and December, but not much at all. Then come January 1, I committed to none.

It has been a wonderful journey for me. One of self discovery and one of learning to like and appreciate who I really am. I have learned how to be social without needing to have a drink. I can be uncomfortable with the social anxiety and just feel it instead. I’m more confident now because I haven’t had a crutch in 9 months to help me feel more at ease around people. I have gone out with friends, I’ve gone on vacation, I’ve had family events, I’ve gone to sporting events, and I’ve gone to concerts – all things that always involved alcohol before and I did them all without.

I had planned to go 12 months, but just like I felt called to stop drinking – I now feel called to just let it all go.

I don’t feel called to abstain completely anymore. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished for myself. I’ve broken the habits that weren’t serving me. I feel a great sense of peace in my life right now. I have been extremely goal oriented for so long and I’m feeling an overwhelming need to just let go right now. Let go of striving. Let go of big goals. Let go of feeling the need to attain.

I just want to BE. I am ready to welcome good things into my life with ease. I am ready to let go of the pain of the past. I’m ready to let go of any fear of the future. I’m ready to just live in the now. I’m still constantly working on believing that I deserve good things, but I’m getting there.

Thanks for reading. And special thanks to the people in my life that have truly been supporting me over the last couple years.

With so much love,
Krysta